Moving on

Due to a lot of unwanted spam, I have now moved my blog to www.myfavouritesweets.wordpress.com - please pop over and join me!

Nearly there?

Oooh it's been nearly 3 months since my last rant...err I mean blog! Life is settling down a bit, except for the long awaited work announcement of course (D day will be sometime in March). It's the topic of most conversations at work these days, and it's getting a bit boring. Some people are angry, some bitter, some scared and some of us may actually find ourselves a bit disappointed if the office doesn't close after all. Sure, the big wide "real world" is scary, but isn't it good to step out of our comfort zone now and again? I am liking the idea of having a few months off work. I have worked full time for most of my life since the age of 16 (apart from a year or so of working 30 hours a week when I was studying). No maternity leave or career breaks for me.....I really feel like my brain needs a rest, a declutter of all of the information about Land Registration and Land Law. This so called career of mine - I fell into it at 16 - has slowly became so safe and comfortable it's been hard to shake off. Colleagues are like family now, for all their faults and foibles. I am beginning to feel like a grown-up as the reality of the big wide world opens up, like a butterfly emerging from it's chrysalis. As I shake my wings, my right hand will flourish and the suppressed writer in me will emerge. That's the plan. Of course the comfort of a regular wage has been wonderful, but at times has held me back. The motivation will come, after March I hope......

Reflecting

Today presented itself with many reasons to reflect. The alarm clock shrilled out at 5.50am, with the news of the final hours of John Allen Muhammad, the US sniper who shot down 14 people in the Washington area in 2002, killing 10 of them. The report sent shivers down my spine, as details were given of his last hours, up to and including his death by lethal injection. This news was swiftly followed by more outrage about Gordon Brown's spelling mistakes in his heartfelt letter (in my opinion) to the mother of Jamie Janes. I feel for them - they have lost children in awful circumstances, and the pain for both of them will never go away. So my problems now seem insignificant by comparison, on a day where we also pay homage today to those who died in WW1 and remember all those who have fallen in the name of our country. War is not the answer, we should talk more, as Gordon did to Mrs Janes. Despite the "outrage" from the Sun (trash) newspaper, who is gauging it's own war against the government as it swiftly changes it's political allegiance to suit the country's mood - she now appears to have forgiven him. We should talk more, wage war less and be prepared to forgive. Life is too short.

Moving on

I heard a quote today, and typically of me I cannot remember it word for word. It goes along these lines - "Major changes in our lives rarely happen of our own choosing. It's how we respond to those changes that is important." Or something like that. These last few weeks our uncertain future has become more certain. I for one always think the worse will happen and then I am not disappointed! Redundancy has pulled the rug from under everyone's feet. Those who have been working here for 30 years or more are no more or less terrified of the future than those who haven't been here long. It's a shame that people think "oh it's alright for you, you'll get a decent payout" - well quite frankly I'd rather have a job, and actually no, it isn't alright for me. Money can't compensate for the feeling that I have about going for an interview after so long out of the loop (it will be 32 years by the time the chopper falls). I don't drive either. So my ability to get a job is going to be extremely limited, relying on public transport is not something I'd envisaged doing at my age. My OH will probably end up living out of a suitcase for the rest of his career, as he'll probably have to do a weekly commute to wherever his office is moved to. So much for quality of life. I am not asking for sympathy nor am I wallowing in self pity. Just a little understanding would be nice. Rant over. I AM going to be positive about this major life change. I accept that I can't change others. Just don't drag me down with you!

Today....

...today I began to notice a bit of a change in the atmosphere at work. People went about their business at a much slower, more gentle pace and showed each other a little more kindness. Not that my work colleagues are unkind at all - but from the looks and glances around the room, and comments from people I don't normally speak to, I think we have begun to see a much more caring attitude evolve towards each other. Everyone is hurting. Even those who thought they would love to be made redundant and escape have been caught up in the surge of emotion at the moment. I spoke to someone yesterday who described it as a grieving process, and we should expect to experience a range of emotions over the coming months. A lot of us have "grown up" at work, having been there since we left school. Friendships and marriages have flourished, it's a bit like having an extended family at your fingertips, which is sadly slipping from our grasp. At least we have the luxury of up to 2 years to plan our futures, unlike some redundancies which are imposed almost immediately. I'd like to think a lot of us will manage to stay in touch for many years - this has been an incredible support network for so many people.

So now we know.............

The long awaited and much dreaded news has arrived. Our office is one of 5 offices - all of which are in the South-East - which will close in 2011. The news has hit us all like an out of control juggernaut. Although one can prepare for the worst, there is always an element of hope in the back of our minds that "it won't be us...". Except this time it was, and it feels like a bereavement in many ways. To lose what has essentially become an extension of one's family in such a manner leaves me feeling angry, confused, scared, emotional and quite uncertain of my future. It seems so harsh to close 5 offices in the same region, leaving the vast majority of people no option but to take redundancy. The nearest one is 100 miles away, and the chances of moving are pretty slim for most of us. So , to see the headlines today of the expressed "surprise" that we are still in recession amazes me. I feel so sorry for those members of staff have already moved once from a closed office, but even more for those who have young families and both parents work for the same office. Civil Servants have become as vulnerable as the private sector.

So, what next? Answers on a postcard please......

A new beginning?

Only 8 more days to go, until the biggest announcement our department has even had to make will be public knowledge. Years ago, a job in the Civil Service was described as "A job for life". The media often poked fun at us, with their caricatures of bowler hatted gents and supposed endless tea-making. Our department became an Agency many years ago, one that was self-financing and extremely efficient, making money for the Government. So, not such a drain on the tax-payer. It became a place that looked after it's staff well, and was a family-friendly environment. Most of the staff have worked there in excess of 10 years. I have worked in the department for 31 years! So it really feels like another family to me, despite my moans and groans from time to time. You see, the government want to make savings - and we are one of them. The conspiracy theories are rife at the moment - Chinese whispers have escalated into the hottest gossip in our office's history! All very unsettling. I lurch between "yeah great, redundancy might be a new opportunity" to "oh God, how on earth will we manage?" and "who on earth is going to employ me now?" After so long in one job, I cannot see what employer would want me. It's been over 20 years since I had an interview (for a promotion) - it is so scary. Maybe it's the kick up the backside I need to write. At the moment I am finding it impossible to get anything down (rants aside), I have a thick grey fug in my head instead of lots of beautiful words and ideas floating around. My brain is like the "pea-soupers" of the Smog age. I just need to know now. Hope the next week goes quickly!